(Editor’s observe: This report got here to us in an e mail from somebody figuring out themself as David ‘The Admiral’ Robinson. Whereas we will’t affirm this got here from the previous skilled basketball participant who performed for the San Antonio Spurs within the Nationwide Basketball Affiliation from 1989 to 2003, and is now a minority proprietor of the Spurs, we can also’t affirm that it isn’t. It might simply be from a man named David who owns a ship. Sometimes, we don’t settle for and publish unsolicited submissions from readers however we additionally reserve the best to do no matter we would like.)
Climate Tite Mike, whose long-running tv commercials for Climate Tite Home windows function his catchphrase, “and don’t neglect the cookies,” flew right into a blind rage Monday when yet one more buyer looking for a quote on hurricane window set up entered his place of job with out cookies.
For a number of hours beforehand, workers had heard an audibly sobbing Climate Tite Mike speaking to himself behind his workplace’s closed door saying, “What’s the purpose? What’s the purpose of any of this? I had a plan! A stable plan!”
The primary buyer of the day was chatting with a gross sales affiliate within the window showroom when, witnesses say, a visibly hyperventilating Climate Tite Mike exited the workplace and made a beeline throughout the gross sales flooring.
“You neglect one thing, woman?,” a profusely sweating Climate Tite Mike shouted on the buyer in his actual voice, a excessive falsetto, when he reached her.
“I’m sorry?,” the girl responded.
“What introduced you in right here at the moment?,” a violently shaking Climate Tite Mike stated. “Perhaps you noticed a industrial? That ring a bell? Perhaps you occurred to be watching Jeopardy, between the second half of the Jeopardy spherical and the Double Jeopardy spherical, proper between the industrial for Prevagen and automotive accident lawyer Dan Newlin? And also you noticed this face proper right here saying don’t neglect the goddamn cookies! I had a plan for my life, you understand. Paying for cookies was not part of that plan.”
The lady defined that she was not aware of the industrial and that she’d truly discovered the enterprise by asking ChatGPT the place she can purchase home windows.
“What? What the fuck?,” a clearly sidetracked Climate Tite Mike stated. “Why wouldn’t you simply use Google? Anyway, what was I speaking about?” Then he stared on the floor and rubbed his head.
One other worker apologetically defined to the client the entire “don’t neglect the cookies” gimmick.
“I’m alleged to convey you cookies?,” she stated. “Wouldn’t it make extra sense in the event you guys had cookies right here, and it was, like, a deal with to attract prospects into the shop?”
“Fuck,” a barely salivating Climate Tite Mike shouted towards the ceiling.
“Additionally, these home windows value like $20,000,” the girl added.
“That’s the purpose,” a totally re-engaged Climate Tite Mike stated. “You’re right here. You’re wealthy. You’ll be able to afford the cookies. Gahhh, neglect it. You suppose I needed any of this? I used to be going to bop. Gahh, neglect it.”
A visibly erect Climate Tite Mike was later seen practising pirouettes within the cookie aisle at a Clearwater Publix.
