As Florida braces for the slight however nonetheless potential menace of one more tropical storm this week, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis’ workplace has enacted laws designed to maintain Florida residents protected.
“Any longer, all tropical storms, to incorporate cyclones, hurricanes, tsunamis and others, will probably be legally required to solely make landfall within the Large Bend area, which stretches from the japanese facet of the Apalachicola River to the western facet of the Steinhatchee River,” mentioned official spokesperson Fran Stancisco.
“We’re by no means going to have the ability to eradicate hurricanes, not anymore with the local weather… erm, adapting: not altering as a result of there’s no such factor… however we are able to definitely regulate them,” she mentioned.
The area was chosen for 2 key causes; one being that there appears to be a proclivity for storms placing there and the opposite being that it’s sparsely populated.
“We had been in a position to decide that there are literally only a few registered Republicans dwelling there. So who provides a shit,” she mentioned.
“As you would possibly count on, an excessive amount of thought and planning has been put into this and the punishment for violating the brand new statute will probably be a really hefty effective,” she mentioned. “Like, $500. Each time. That’s rather a lot, proper? Yeah, so don’t do it.”
Failure to adjust to the brand new regulation will probably be thought of a petty misdemeanor and the fines for every infraction will probably be levied in opposition to the entity that points the storm, which might presumably be God.
“In fact God is at all times welcome right here in Florida, whether or not He’s in our faculties or conducting enterprise however He must observe the regulation identical to everyone else,” she mentioned.
