DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a teetotaler. My husband and most of our associates are avid connoisseurs of wine and spirits.
Usually, this isn’t an issue, as I can politely excuse myself from any occasions which can be primarily about appreciating alcohol. However an etiquette concern typically arises after we’re internet hosting dinner at our place.
The primary couple of hours typically go effectively, with good dialog and pleasure of meals and firm. In some unspecified time in the future, nevertheless, the gathering evolves from a cocktail party right into a consuming session.
By this I imply that after the meal is over, the friends proceed to take a seat across the desk consuming, their cups refilled by my husband. Finally, the dialog turns into extra animated than I can sustain with, as voices get a bit louder and arguments a little bit muddled. This may proceed for a couple of hours.
Everyone seems to be having a great time, nobody has to drive themselves residence, and I’m glad for my friends to get pleasure from themselves. I don’t wish to put a cease to the enjoyable, regardless that it has left me behind.
However what I want to do is excuse myself from the desk when this occurs and get began on my dishes. Is there a swish strategy to accomplish this with out implying that the celebration is over?
GENTLE READER: Curiously, the alcohol is clouding everybody’s judgment on this case — even yours, and you aren’t partaking.
As a number, you can’t correctly go away your individual celebration, regardless that Miss Manners understands each that it has grow to be a bore for you and that the friends are unlikely to note your absence.
The answer is to handle the time, in addition to the amount of alcohol consumed. In any case, you didn’t preserve serving the pot roast till the friends begged for mercy. So sooner or later, cease pouring wine and provide espresso as a substitute. Even when your friends usually are not grateful within the second, they are going to be so the subsequent morning.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband’s cousin and her husband reside a couple of miles away from us. Whereas their dad and mom had been pretty shut when the cousins had been rising up, the cousins themselves didn’t preserve contact as soon as they turned adults.
I get pleasure from sending greeting playing cards for birthdays, anniversaries, holidays and so forth, and this cousin is on my checklist. We’re additionally associates on social media.
She messages me and means that we get collectively for lunch someday, however provides no particular particulars. I then suggest a date, time and place, which she agrees to, however all the time cancels on the day of the assembly.
I’ve come to count on this and don’t suppose a lot of it, nevertheless it upsets my husband.
Ought to I proceed making solutions regardless that I do know they’ll seemingly be canceled on the final minute?
GENTLE READER: Subsequent time the cousin proposes a get-together, give an equally imprecise response: “That may be nice.” Breaking the sample could or could not change her conduct, however it is going to give everybody one thing new to consider.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her e mail, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or by means of postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
